On a very serious note. There is a YouTube video floating around that portrays a terrible, horrible, bad day in the life of a guy – if gender roles were flipped. The video is admittedly a concentration of many of the aggressions and microagressions females report they encounter every day; all rolled into one short, difficult-to-watch movie clip. As such, many males take umbrage to the video; stating they would never treat women “like that.” Watch the video (In French with subtitles) and see what you think. **Trigger Warning: Assault, Abusive Behavior, Strong Language**
Whether they would treat a woman “like that” or not (and we know both men who would not and icky men who would), a lot of females are replying to them and validating the experiences portrayed in the video. A close reading of the comments, however, reveals one important factor: many women are using the wrong terms to adequately convey what they are experiencing, making it difficult for everyone to understand the enormity and complexity of a serious problem.
Take, for example, the response one woman made to a male commenter, “Sexual assault may not happen to every woman every day, but all the rest was absolutely a normal day, in my experience.“ Think about that sentence.
Now consider the definitions of assault and of battery. Assault generally means the threat of harm or attempts to cause harm which causes apprehension of harm. Battery is to cause the harm. So, for example, if someone threatens to throw a rock at you – that is assault. If someone throws a rock at you and misses – that is also assault. If someone throws a rock at you and hits you – that is battery. Assault and Battery is when someone threatens to cause you harm and then does just that.
The term Assault has evolved a bit, legally, in that actual harms are sometimes referred to as an assault. Predictably the example here will be Sexual Assault. According to the Model Penal Code, Sexual Assault is when a person has “sexual contact with another person not his spouse..” up to and including several forms of statutory rape, sex when a person has blacked out (from use of drugs or alcohol), “roofie” sex, etc. (FYI: Roofies are put into sodas as well as alcoholic drinks.) Sexual Assault is a misdemeanor (not a felony). Other forms of nonconsensual sex would be charged as Rape. Rape is a Felony. Some acts (e.g., roofie sex, black out sex, etc.) can be charged as a Felony or as a Misdemeanor depending on the egregiousness of the crime. And many actual Felonies are pled down to a Misdemeanor Assault to avoid trials (but that would be an entirely different discussion).
The point is this: if someone is harassing you with verbal sexual overtures, they are assaulting you. Every woman can attest to the fact that these overtures carry an implied threat of harm. Catcalls are sexual overtures; honking your horn at an attractive female who is simply walking down the street is a sexual overture; lustful, directed looks at a co-worker are sexual overtures. All of these ill-mannered behaviors are taken as threats when directed at females who are simply trying to live their life. And what do you call an action that carries an implied threat and causes apprehension? An assault.
Reframing personal assaults by referring to them as rudeness leaves women unable to convey the level of threat they feel when confronted with these types of behavior. We need to call it like it is and recognize these assaults as such. When we don’t, the icky men who assault women are often dismissed as rude; even when their assault activity rises to a higher level. What do you call it when your neighbor wanders over and grabs your ass as you mow the lawn? Rude. In actuality, that action is one that is a chargeable assault. How about when you are in an elevator at work and get groped by the guy from the 4th floor? Again, we typically refer to it as rude when, in reality, it is a chargeable assault.
Words matter. And the responses left in the wake of this video show that women will be better-served by acknowledging a personal assault as an assault so that when they are inevitably accosted with a chargeable assault, they can recognize it as such and not dismiss it as rude behavior. And icky men who are doing the assaulting will be put on notice that their behavior exceeds the boundaries of rude.
Take, for example, the response one woman made to a male commenter, “Sexual assault may not happen to every woman every day, but all the rest was absolutely a normal day, in my experience.“ Think about that sentence.
Now consider the definitions of assault and of battery. Assault generally means the threat of harm or attempts to cause harm which causes apprehension of harm. Battery is to cause the harm. So, for example, if someone threatens to throw a rock at you – that is assault. If someone throws a rock at you and misses – that is also assault. If someone throws a rock at you and hits you – that is battery. Assault and Battery is when someone threatens to cause you harm and then does just that.
The term Assault has evolved a bit, legally, in that actual harms are sometimes referred to as an assault. Predictably the example here will be Sexual Assault. According to the Model Penal Code, Sexual Assault is when a person has “sexual contact with another person not his spouse..” up to and including several forms of statutory rape, sex when a person has blacked out (from use of drugs or alcohol), “roofie” sex, etc. (FYI: Roofies are put into sodas as well as alcoholic drinks.) Sexual Assault is a misdemeanor (not a felony). Other forms of nonconsensual sex would be charged as Rape. Rape is a Felony. Some acts (e.g., roofie sex, black out sex, etc.) can be charged as a Felony or as a Misdemeanor depending on the egregiousness of the crime. And many actual Felonies are pled down to a Misdemeanor Assault to avoid trials (but that would be an entirely different discussion).
The point is this: if someone is harassing you with verbal sexual overtures, they are assaulting you. Every woman can attest to the fact that these overtures carry an implied threat of harm. Catcalls are sexual overtures; honking your horn at an attractive female who is simply walking down the street is a sexual overture; lustful, directed looks at a co-worker are sexual overtures. All of these ill-mannered behaviors are taken as threats when directed at females who are simply trying to live their life. And what do you call an action that carries an implied threat and causes apprehension? An assault.
Reframing personal assaults by referring to them as rudeness leaves women unable to convey the level of threat they feel when confronted with these types of behavior. We need to call it like it is and recognize these assaults as such. When we don’t, the icky men who assault women are often dismissed as rude; even when their assault activity rises to a higher level. What do you call it when your neighbor wanders over and grabs your ass as you mow the lawn? Rude. In actuality, that action is one that is a chargeable assault. How about when you are in an elevator at work and get groped by the guy from the 4th floor? Again, we typically refer to it as rude when, in reality, it is a chargeable assault.
Words matter. And the responses left in the wake of this video show that women will be better-served by acknowledging a personal assault as an assault so that when they are inevitably accosted with a chargeable assault, they can recognize it as such and not dismiss it as rude behavior. And icky men who are doing the assaulting will be put on notice that their behavior exceeds the boundaries of rude.
