Sometimes you just need to run from a bad relationship. Maybe you aren’t close to anyone who is willing to tell you that your Significant Other needs to find the curb. So we’ll do it for you! Here are 15 red flags that will help you recognize the person you are with is not really the one for you (unless, of course, you enjoy unhappiness and chaos).
Commence with the Red Flag Training!
Commence with the Red Flag Training!
- If your love has nothing to do with his/her parents, investigate why. Ask the parents directly – asking the person you love may sound like a good idea but it isn’t - unless you love being fed lies. Big ones.
- If your decent friends dislike your new love, pay attention. This is also true if the hating is going in the opposite direction.
- If your man is into porn. Be done. Don’t even try with this man. We can’t find any studies indicating the same rings true with women but we would guess it would.
- If your parents or siblings have doubts about this person, pay attention. Listen and check it out. It doesn’t mean they’re right; but they are the only people who are guaranteed to have your back, so hearing them out may change their opinion (or yours) and will help to get everyone on the same page – relationship building is always good.
- Relationships have a lot to do with group membership – marriage quickly moves you and your loved one into family member roles: 1) Carefully watch how your man treats his mother (and how his dad treats her, too). This can tell you a lot about the role of women in their lives; 2) Carefully watch how your woman navigates situations with her family. Also carefully observe the relationship between her parents. This can tell you a lot about what to expect once you are a family member.
- If your love already has children and they want nothing to do with him/her, do not believe the trite story that the ex brainwashed them. Kids had front row seats to this person’s life at some point and developed very valid opinions at surprisingly early ages – no one has to brainwash when the adult alienates the kids single-handedly.
- If your love has a wandering eye and just can’t seem to remember that you are in a relationship – run away. This will not change.
- How does your love manage money? Are you tied to a Scrooge or a spendthrift? These habits seldom change. If they don’t change before you enter a long-term relationship, they most likely won’t. This one isn’t a deal breaker as long as you’re okay with current money management habits.
- If he's over 30 and has no money, do not let him move in with you - and don't marry him until he's financially solvent. If he has any respect for you (and himself), he'll insist on it. Yes, this is strongly traditionalist, but it is still very wise advice. Unless, of course, you love freeloaders.
- Be sure in your heart that you can live with your love AS IS. In the long run, you cannot change another person in a lasting or meaningful way.
- If your love has more than one DUI and still drinks, run! Same with drugs. As far as drugs and alcohol goes, think about this person in the role of parent. Because you’re out of luck if you marry, have kids, and then decide you don’t like the (same, ongoing) amount of drugs and alcohol. Courts regularly ignore pleas to cut a drug-abusing parent out of a child’s life if the drug abuse was happening at the beginning of the relationship. Marriage is a contract and you don’t get to change the terms you deemed acceptable via your marriage license: meaning your babies will be regularly exposed to any substance abuse that you already knew about regardless of whether you stay together or get divorced.
- If your love is the constant expert at everything or is full of swagger, understand that this might be a turn off to potential future friends - and maybe even you eventually.
- If you love an emotional or verbal abuser, it will only get worse. Cruelty, unwarranted blaming with the inability to talk about problems, name-calling, and disrespect are classic signs of trouble ahead.
- Along the same lines, if your love doesn’t seem capable of accepting responsibility when things go wrong (and/or never apologizes to you), everything will be "your fault" forever. Nobody needs that. This includes those moments when something goes wrong and instead of hearing potential solutions, possible apologies, and tenderness, you hear, "That wouldn't have happened if you hadn't (fill in the blank)."
- If you’re seeing cruelty, shortness, or abuse to children, wait staff, or pets, recognize that you are not in love with a kind person. That also will not bode well for a long-term relationship/marriage.